Why don’t I wear Lolita more often?
It’s simple: Because I’m afraid. I get hot rushes all through my body when people look at me wearing Lolita while I’m on my own. When I’m with others, everything is all right. It’s a pretty simple psychologic function: While I’m with people who accept or approve of my behaviour and looks it’s not so important what other people think because I already have folks on “my side”.
Sure, you could – and I guess some of you were even going to – say that I shouldn’t care about what other people think about me.
Well, I do. It’s a fact, and although I tried to change it at some point I realised that I couldn’t. It’s part of who I am. I don’t care when people stare at me for wearing punk or acting like a guy or even dancing a little in the street sometimes, but I care about people staring at me for wearing frilly, girly things, giggling or being generally cute. It’s more likely to see mistakes, blotches and small untidinesses when everything else is supposed to be nice and pretty. It makes me vulnerable.
Woah, this challenge kind of turns out to become a series of soul stripteases. I hope you don’t mind.
My daily environment is dominated by guys who think that taking also classes in classical archaeology (meaning Hellenistic or Roman sources) instead of only pre-historiographic, middle or northern Europe classes is moronic or worse, that most of the time wear black, are convinced that heavy metal and maybe medieval rock are the only music genres justified to exist* and that assuring each other how stupid historians are is cool. Okay, I might be slightly exaggerating, but it’s sort of close.
Wearing cute frilly dresses – even wearing powder pink – would make contact and conversation with most of my classmates quite difficult, and honestly, that’s really not worth it. I already get teased for having other opinions sometimes, and they already go on my nerves making sexist jokes far too often. I don’t need more of that.
And this is, to an extend, why I don’t wear Lolita more often.
_ _ _ _
* I don’t have a problem with these genres, I just think it’s really narrow-minded to claim they are the only ones worthy of existence.